23 June 2011
I feel good.
It’s actually incredible, but I feel the best I have felt since arriving here in Plattling.
I have got what I had to come here to find.
I have realized that being middle of the pack is ok. I don’t need to be the best in order to value myself.
Finally I feel free.
I know I had to do this though. I had to give it my all and go after what I thought my dream was in order to get to this place with in myself. And I also think I needed to really “lose” in order to truly WIN.
It is all starting to make sense now. Why I embarked on this journey to begin with. I knew it was something I had to do and the whole time never really knew why. I know now that really it had nothing to do with winning the gold medal, or even freestyle kayaking for that matter. It was about coming to peace within myself. Accepting myself no matter what the out come. And to tell you that I have truly feels like a miracle.
It does remind me exactly of my favorite book the Alchemist where the boy goes around the world in search of his treasure and realizes in the end the treasure was already within him back where he started, but he had to go in order to find that out. The same feels true for me. I had to come here all the way around the world to find myself.
Yesterday, I did my yoga went for a paddle on the other side of the wave and cheered on my friends who were still in the competition. And that felt good! Wow! I am finally feeling out of my own way and that is the biggest gift I could have ever gotten.
In hindsight I can see I was the only thing in my way the whole time here. I was psyched out as soon as all the people started arriving and what I can see now is I just needed to BELIEVE in myself and my abilities.
That has been my lesson here.
It has all been worth it.
And right now I am smiling!
Who knows how things will unfold from here, but I do know it is not over, and really feels like my journey has just begun.
I have learned that I enjoyed the discipline and the focus of being the best I can be every day and that will continue on.
A huge thank you to all of you who have written me amazing letters of support and love. It has brought tears to my eyes and I value that more than I can put into words.
Lots of love! Polly