I am finally HOME! After 5 months of being away it is so good to be back in my own space again. It was a challenging time away…. Things kept rolling on the personal growth front after I left Germany.
Beginning with guiding a group of Cancer survivors down the Main Salmon River in Idaho. A trip I think I may have gotten even more out of than they did. It was a real wake up call being with these people who have looked death in the face and were still around to talk about it (and laugh). They were the most alive and fearless bunch I have ever guided. They were honest, real, and cut through all of the bullsh*t. Refreshing to say the least and also really got me thinking about life and death and what is truly important and how I want to live the years I have left. So I want to thank you First Descents for getting me closer to what’s real and who I want to be in the world.
Hawaii was my next stop and pushed me to my limits. I cried everyday I was there (just about). I thought maybe I was dying..really. I have never felt like that before and at times questioned my mental stability. But after talking to a fellow yogi after yoga class who told me she had been crying everyday too I realized it was the yoga. Doing yoga everyday was opening my heart and the emotions were flowing. I also was staying with an old friend, and that was pushing all of my relationship buttons at the same time. Luckily they have 5 Rhythms Dance there which saved my sanity and I was able to dance out all of the pain and sadness I was going through and come out the other side with my soul shining. Feeling like my REAL self. Thank you Five Rhythms!
Family was my next growing hurdle. Three weeks is a VERY long time for me to be with my family. Of course there was a huge explosion with my mother and I hit the emotional level of hysteria, literally thought I had lost my mind, the day of my brother’s wedding. Nice timing. I cried and cried and cried. Pain was coming out that I think had been stored in my cells since I was a little girl and there was no holding back. It went on for hours. Thank god for my “friend” who reassured me on the phone and let me know I wasn’t crazy. It kept me from the brink and I am eternally grateful for that.
And now finally I am home! And I feel good!
I think all of that crying was a good thing because now I feel different.
I feel clear, and have found out that it passes. Even the hysteria passed the next day. I can feel it in my yoga too. My body is opening along with my soul.
Now that I am home….I am sitting back at my desk and starting the long process of transcribing all of my interviews for “A Fire Within”. Typing every word that I have filmed over the past year and a half is not a quick endeavor. I am realizing this is just like training for Worlds. I can’t look at the big picture right now. I can only do this “one clip at a time” other wise I would never want to start. So far today I have transcribed four minutes, and I can tell you I want to do anything other than this. DISCIPLINE and FOCUS are required as well as facing my procrastination demon.
It feels good tho too, to finally start the editing process, and another step closer to my other goal of making a feature length documentary.
I am facing myself all over again and hopefully seeing how far I have come.