Two years ago I decided to completely change my life.
I was living at the beach (learning how to surf) in Gisborne, New Zealand, had started my own filmmaking company, and in general thought I was happy.
Until a few “coincidences” happened.
- My boyfriend broke up with me.
- An old kayaking friend came to visit.
- I went on a ten day vipassana meditation course.
My life as I knew it came crashing down. (Although at the time I wouldn’t have used the word crashing.)
I decided I would start kayaking again. Pretty much out of the blue, and start training for the 2011 World Freestyle Championships.
It was a crazy decision at the time.
I hadn’t been in a kayak for 3 years.
I didn’t realize how hard it would be to to get back into kayaking shape.
I had to leave my life as I knew it, and move back to the river.
I just finished reading the Celestine Prophecy, which got me thinking about the importance of coincidences and paying attention to those coincidences. It also has me thinking about my life’s purpose and what that is.
The past two years have not been easy.
I went on this journey of self discovery without realizing exactly what a massive undertaking it would actually be.
So what happened?
I did compete at the 2011 World Freestyle Championships. I trained to the best of my ability at the time, but my mental confidence and competition head space just wasn’t there.
Oh yeah, and I filmed the whole thing.
I am now sitting with a pile of footage and just can’t seem to get to the point of what I am wanting to say.
I thought maybe by writing about it here I would get more clear on what the point of all of this has been.
I feel like until I finish this project I am in filmmaking limbo, and the longer I sit on it the harder it gets.
But I havn’t been ready.
Besides competing at the World Championships I broke through some denials in my behavior. I quit drinking and am now on a program of recovery and learning how to live life as person with Integrity, becoming the person I truly want to be.
I am also going to India in 6 weeks.
This feels like another part of my journey that I can’t explain. I just know I have to go.
I am going to Mysore, India. To practice yoga at the Shri K Pattabhi Jois Ashtanga Yoga Institute for 2 months.
I am going out of my comfort zone and it is scary, but I feel like things are falling into place so easily that I know it is meant to be.
I have always been a last minute planner, but somehow I already have my tickets booked, a place to stay, and a guy picking me up at the airport who will be holding a sign with my name on it!
I always wanted to be one of those people that had a guy waiting for them with a sign and can’t believe it’s actually happening.
So the journey continues.
I am feeling stuck in a place of wanting to know what my life’s purpose is, and I am hoping to find the answers in India.
I made a start at editing a short film about the World Championships.
The amazing thing is making it got me motivated.
I want to learn these new tricks. Not for any other reason now than it’s fun. It’s a challenge and I know I can.
Here is the film:
I truly am grateful for this life and know that I am exactly where I need to be today… and I know more will be revealed.