June 9, 2011
Attuned To The Flow~ Daily OM
Libra Daily Horoscope
Feelings of frustration can overtake you today, leading you to wonder if you are indeed fit to pursue your ambitions. You may feel you are progressing too slowly, so you will likely find that you feel uncomfortable with the goal-realization process.
Ok…let’s just say I believe in horoscopes because this is exactly how I felt today. The crowds have arrived, and instead of the quiet early morning training sessions that Jessie and I have been having, we arrived at 7:15am and there were already 10 people in the eddy.
I instantly found I was disappointed in the change instead of going with what is and going with the flow. We got in the water anyways and I was tense and nervous.
I was worried about what the other people were thinking of me and as a result had crap rides and wasn’t having fun at all.
The wait was about 15 minutes a ride and so I was feeling the pressure to perform and have good rides. As a result I was doing the opposite and thus began another downward self- esteem spiral.
I began to doubt myself, doubt being here, and wonder why I would undertake something like this again in the first place. As my mental demons started taking hold I wanted to run, quit, and get out. All of my hard inner work and tools seemed to have flown out the window, and I knew at the same time I was making it all up. It was me putting pressure on me. No one really cares how I paddle. I am not my paddling. But it was hard to shake.
I made myself stay in the water until the anxiety subsided, and was comfortable again. I never paddled up to my potential today and had a big cry when I got out.
Luckily Jessie was there to be the voice of reality and said “ Polly you are tired, and no one cares or is judging you. You put way too much pressure on yourself. You had a bad day and need to move on. Rest. Take care of yourself. Get back to the place where you feel good again. Do the things that make you feel good. This is only one thing in your life not the only thing. Tomorrow is a new day.”
After that I talked to Mariann who had a great perspective on reality and said “at least when you screw up play boating you don’t die or get hurt”, which couldn’t be more true and made me see how it is all my ego and my self-sabotaging brain on over drive. And to remember to be grateful that I am physically able to even do this in the first place.
I wrote to my very inspiring friend Trish who wrote back instantly and also said what I needed to hear:
“I can only imagine the ‘contrasts’ you must be experiencing as you get closer to the day. As hard as it might be, your mission is to block out those old negative voices. Once you came out of that melt down is the time to become the observer, the wise observer that can recognize the reasons why you fell in to that old cycle, and the old wounds that are healing as a result of facing that demon!! It’s about you and your desire to ‘do it different’ this time. You have nothing to loose by utilising your mind to its greatest potential by uplifting yourself, loving yourself and being your number one cheerleader. Every moment you are experiencing is for a reason, it is a step in your journey towards your truth, your peace within. I am there in spirit with you girlfriend, the tall Texan on the side of the river encouraging you to embrace this experience and to unify your mind, your body and the river in to one harmoneous entity. Set your intention for ‘the day’ and release it and allow it to unfold as it is meant to, trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be and that what ever happens is for the highest good! Embrace being present in each moment and be grateful for these amazing lessons that are unfolding for you as there is deep transformation happening. Seeing you in love and light! Trish”
All I have to say is thank God I have such amazing friends! Thank you girls!!!!