I am back in India for the third time.
My intention is to deepen my spiritual practices and to find a teacher that can help illuminate the way.
It has proved to be another soul searching adventure. Not easy. Facing doubts. Wondering if there is a better place to be. Watching my mind which constantly creates negative chatter, doubts, and senseless disturbance.
It has been an adventure of a different kind.
My partner Oliver and I have been asking for guidance, and have been led to many different spiritual teachers.
We were told by a spiritual Indian friend upon arriving here in Rishikesh that:
* we may not find one teacher that will guide us, but many along the way.
* Be open and you will receive
* get clear with why you are here and what you are asking for
* pray/ask for what you need, and what is for your highest and best good – you will get it
* dont judge or try and figure it out – remain in equanimity
* leave it to the universe and ask “help me move ahead from where i am now in the highest & best way”
* you will get something from everyone, sometimes the journey is just that & it works within yourself
We have been led to many spiritual masters here, and have been hearing the same things.
Not only from them but also in the books I am reading.
Osho’s Yoga the Science of the Soul & rereading Ekhart Tolle’s The Power of Now for the tenth time.
* stay open and receptive
* you are devine light
* what are you dependent on? what are your attachments?
* we spend alot of time looking outside of us for that which is within us
* become aware of reality- of where you are within you
* enlightenment is like planting seeds- for a period of time they are in the dark mystery and need trust, patience and surrender because at a certain point seeds will sprout
* suddenly you are in the light
* it just happens. you dont control it
* it can happen at any moment
* with calm and tranquility it happens in its own time
Coming from an achievement orientated culture following this philosophy can be frustrating, and I have “thrown my toys” more than once already since being here.
Wishing I could be comfortable with life as it was before.
But I cant.
I know I am here for something more. Something deep down that I know in my truest self is real.
But has gotten covered up.
I am here uncovering what I know.
What I heard yesterday from Sadvi Bhagawati Saraswati, the teacher here that I resonate with the most, was just this.
That I am not this body, my achievements, my story, my past, my mistakes. This is not me.
Sadviji said this is what causes the anguish that I feel when I know there is more.
She said “we are the light, there is nothing separating us from the light.” “Just because we are in a body doesn’t mean we are separated from the light.” “It is our mind that creates the separation and illusion, the pain is coming from the mind telling us we are separate but this is a lie.”
Some how this made sense to me.
She said the anguish is good. Because it keeps us searching. Deep down your true self knows this.
She said work on seeing yourself from the light. Instead of being in you looking at the light – change your perspective. Be in the light looking at your body.
Something has changed in me since hearing this.
and I am so grateful that Sadviji was able to answer my deepest question in a way that I am able to understand and work with.
Rishikesh is pure Shiva energy.
Shiva is the power that comes through and destroys our concept of who we are. Destroying everything that is in the way of awakening and being in the light.
I know that is why we are here.
Clearing out all that is within me holding me back from embodying the light.
In 2 days we are going on another ten day Vipassana meditation course. It will be my third one, but first in India.
Guruji Shri K. Patabi Jois says that yoga is 99% practice and 1% theory.
So these ten days will be intensive practice of the theory I just learned.
Clearing the mental chatter, being the watcher, seeing reality as it is, and taking it to the extreme.
Thank you India for once again giving me what I need.